were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just took my morning after pill in the library
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
