Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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