I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
