I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
