if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
