Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He passed out mid-signature
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
