I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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