Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
