I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
