I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
