It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
