at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
