I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize