Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
