Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
