now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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