if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
