there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
