I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
