So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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