I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
