My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
