I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
