every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
