I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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