I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize