so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
