his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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