god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
