I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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