There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
