I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I look better un-naked...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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