That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
