She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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