don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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