it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
