Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
