I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
