my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
