I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
