Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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