I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
