I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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