At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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