I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
