Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
