He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
