pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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