Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
