My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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