I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
