I haven't been this sober since birth.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
