after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
