and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
