Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize