If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
