apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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