he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
