i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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