is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
