she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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