No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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