our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
