Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
