haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
