It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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