I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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