Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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