im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
