what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
