If i come over, it means nothing
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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