My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize