I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
