I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
sarcasm needs its own font
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
