The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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