I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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