you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
