He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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