this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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