cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
