You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
