hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
