So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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