so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
