are you still at the devil's house?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize