mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Your tits are I can't wait for
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
