Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
