She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
