im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
