your room smells of hookers.
And success
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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