3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
