Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
