xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
