I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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