gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
