Pappa wants mamma naked
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
