you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
