Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize