i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
