Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
