I just pynch a tree in the face
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
porn star boner night. come get it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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