2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
